Love & Stitches at The Asylum: Part Sixty-Five
There weren't a lot of times when Jamie came face-to-face with how self-focused his former life had made him, but when Connor pulled into the parking lot of a brick warehouse-like structure not too far from The Asylum, and got out with his house keys in his hand, Jamie realized that in all the time his new Dom had been on his detail, he'd never seen where the man lived.
For a time, he’d occupied one of the lofts at The Asylum, but even then Jamie had never thought to take a peek inside. Whether that was because he wasn’t interested or because he secretly worried that crossing that line between professional and personal was on Connor’s no-fly list, he wasn’t sure.
What he was sure of tonight, however, was that he wanted to know everything possible about the man who’d been by his side, and at his back, for most of his memory. Pausing by the arched doorway to the glass-fronted vestibule with its empty wooden flower boxes, Jamie ran his hand along Connor’s lower back as his Dom keyed open the door.
“I’m sorry, Connor.” Chewing on his lower lip, he scuffed his foot against some loose pebbles.
Connor glanced over his shoulder at him and frowned. “If you’re apologizing for touching me, I’m going to have to spank you again to nail the point in that cute little head of yours that I don’t mind. Actually, I enjoy it. Don’t stop.” His lips twitched upwards. “That’s an order.”
Snickering, Jamie stood up on his tiptoes to brush a kiss on Connor’s earlobe. “Dork. I was saying I’m sorry I didn’t even think to ask you where you live, all this time. I don’t think I’ve ever been to your place.” He scrunched up his face. “Unless I was drunk or something and don’t remember.”
“Once. In L.A.” Connor opened the door and held out his hand for Jamie to go in, reaching along the wall to flick on the lights. “The papz were lurking and I didn’t want to risk any unwelcome candid shots. It was during your Britney obsession phase. I slept on the couch and…I had to get you up pretty early. Not sure you were fully awake when you were put in the makeup chair.”
They walked down a carpeted hallway, doors at regular intervals along either side. Brick pillars had been decorated with plants that hung from iron hooks in pretty pots, giving the space less of a closed-in feel than it might’ve otherwise had without any windows. At the far end of the first floor, Connor stopped before a gray painted steel door with a peephole in it and jangled another key from his ring.
“You do realize you have a fuck-ton of bribe and exposé memoir material in your brain? You remember things about me I don’t even recall until you mention it.” Leaning one shoulder against the wall, Jamie kept up his slow massage of Connor’s lower back.
Making a thoughtful sound, Connor unlocked and pushed open the heavy door. “True, but the point was you being able to trust me completely. I’d never have messed with that then and I definitely won’t now. Or ever.” He sighed as he stepped closer to the door so Jamie could pass. “I didn’t bring you to my place because I didn’t want anyone assuming anything inappropriate was going on. My boss knew I was gay, but no one else did. I thought you were straight…maybe bisexual. But I didn’t want to take any chances.”
Smirking, Jamie tipped his face up to Connor as he walked backward into the apartment, snapping his fingers to the rhythm of one of Glam Grenade’s fan favorites, and began to croon. “Ooh girl, look at those curls. Ooh girl, skin like pearls. Stars in your eyes. I wanna fall into your sky...” He trailed off, shaking his head. “Of course you thought I was straight.”
“Or bisexual.” Connor returned Jamie’s smirk with one of his own, letting the door swing shut behind him with a loud clang. He stepped up close to Jamie, lifting his jacket off Jamie’s shoulders and hanging it on a hook by the door. “You had me wondering when you came out of the bathroom of that club, threw your boxers at me, and said you were ‘making a statement’.”
“Oh, God. Was I drunk then, too?” It was a wonder he had any brain cells left. Clapping his hand over his eyes, Jamie groaned. “Was I naked?”
Connor snickered and shook his head. “No, or I’d’ve dragged you home. You were wearing some pretty baggy jeans, though. I’d never had a straight guy throw their underwear at me, so…yeah. I started to suspect.”
“Huh...” Clicking his tongue piercing against his teeth, Jamie tried to remember when that might’ve been, but came up empty. He grinned at a sudden thought, straightening with his hands behind his back. “So, did’ja keep ‘em?”
Spitting out a laugh, Connor shook his head. “No, I sent them to be dry cleaned. I think you would’ve noticed them missing. They were your favorite ‘clubbing pair’. I refused to notice you were right about how good your ass looked in them. I figured some lucky chick would enjoy the goods.”
Jamie stepped lightly up to his Dom, slipped his arms around his waist, and tipped his face up for a kiss. “How does it feel to be a lucky chick?”
“Pretty damn good.” Connor bent down, sucking on his bottom lip. “And now I don’t have to lock down the part of my brain that is one-hundred-percent, hot blooded male, whenever you try something sexy on in front of me.”
That sounded really nice. Used to reining in his fashion impulses around everyone but Jacks, and sometimes Danny, Jamie had to wonder how far was too far with the whole service Dom thing. Did it count as what Wren would call a ‘war crime’ to ask for a shopping trip to Manhattan once a month where he could subject Connor to all sorts of sexy outfits, and see how many exclusive dressing rooms he could get them thrown out of?
“I like the sound of that, but maybe you need a fashion safeword, just in case I get carried away?” On tiptoe, he tried to reach Connor’s lower lip to nibble on it and couldn’t quite.
Moving out of reach, Connor went over to the closest sofa, plunking down on it and leaning back before crooking his finger at Jamie. “I don’t need a safeword, my little diva. But I won’t be able to be any more help than telling you what looks hot and what doesn’t. Which, on you? Doesn’t exist.”
Pools of light from table lamps lit either side of the sofa, leaving the rest of the large loft space in relative darkness. The furniture he was able to see, however, looked very familiar. Especially the white leather sofa Connor sat on. Heart kicking up a notch, he didn’t dare look more closely at the rest of the space.
Crossing to him, Jamie came to a stop between his Dom’s spread knees. “Sir?”
Brow furrowing, Connor sat up a bit. “What’s wrong? If you’re not comfortable being here, I’ll bring you home. I thought a change of space might be nice, but I won’t take it the wrong way if you don’t like it here. It’s pretty open and…big, come to think of it.”
Already shaking his head before Connor finished, Jamie climbed into his Dom’s lap to press his face against his shoulder. His question came out as a whisper. “You kept it?”
“Ah… That’s what this is all about?” Connor wrapped his arms around Jamie, giving him a little squeeze. “I told you I would, babe. I thought you might want it back, and if not, it was going to good use.”
Fabric rustled as Jamie nodded his forehead against the soft cotton of Connor’s shirt. “I know. I just...didn’t think anyone would want that part of me. Of...” He leaned back a little with a shrug. “Didn’t you want your own things? This is a lot.”
“That’s why I got a big place. But I do have some of my own things. Mostly for when I want to do business stuff from home.” Connor brought his hands up to rub Jamie’s arms. “There’s a box of your clothes I set aside when you were clearing everything out. Your favorite things. I was worried you’d change your mind and regret leaving them behind.”
Straddling Connor’s hips, Jamie cupped his cheeks, loving the way the ghost of dark blond stubble along his jaw softly abraded his palms. He leaned in, not stealing but giving a kiss that he hoped contained all of the gratitude and love he felt.
“I never wanted to regret giving all that up, and I don’t...” Speaking against his Dom’s lips, he breathed out a happy sigh. “But it’s really nice to have a piece of me here with you.”
Connor smiled, drawing him in and hugging him tight. “It’s nice to have you here with me, my little diva. And if you want, we can take a look in the box and see if there’s something more comfortable for you to wear. Or you can just grab one of my shirts. Whatever you want.”
Used to wearing costumes and even itchier stuff than Jacks designed, Jamie realized he’d completely forgotten he was dressed as something of a rhinestone chicken. He snickered, looking down at himself, and blew on one of the loose feathers. The pink bit of fluff floated upward then drifted into Connor’s trim haircut.
“Your shirt, please, sir. I want to surround myself with you, and re-enact the underwear incident.” He wiggled back, taking a better look around.
His old awards case was along one wall, full of the platinum records, statues, and medals he’d thought were gone at auction. The few he had at Noah’s loft were the ones he’d thought were the most sentimental, but with the sight of the others, a ton of memories came flooding back. Things he’d forgotten, places, people. So much at once, his breath caught.
Lifting him as he stood, Connor carried him to the far end of the space, where there was a large bed and a massive armoire. He sat Jamie on the edge of the bed. “It’s a different mattress, I’m not that into preserving your things, but this…” He patted the armoire. “I got your manager to put aside a long time ago. Your mother tried to claim it when you had that whole update done for that magazine.” His lips curved. “I might have told a little white lie to get her to back off.”
It had been the first piece of furniture he’d purchased after his emancipation—when he’d finally gotten his own apartment in a downtown L.A. highrise. Everyone had been so sure he’d crash and burn, spend all his money, and become a has-been. Except Connor, who’d spent that first night with him in sleeping bags on the floor until he could go shopping for a bed.
“I seriously don’t deserve you, but I’m so freaking glad I have you.” Licking his lips, he tried to distract himself from the prickly feeling at the corners of his eyes. “Matt says I gotta save the waterworks for tragedy, or no one will believe anything’s really wrong. But I’m so happy, and there’s so many things rushing into my head. I...”
Connor came out of the armoire with a large T-shirt and a big button-down one, dropping both on the bed as he crouched down in front of Jamie and took hold of his chin, giving him a firm look. “When you’re here? Cry as much as you want, for any reason. Hell, come visit for cry fests. I’m good with that. Even if Jared doesn’t let me be your Dom officially? Consider this space yours, too. Nothing would make me happier.”
The idea that this night might be all they had hit him for the first time. He shook his head, hard, his denial in the way he set his jaw. An expression Connor had called his, ‘Don’t fuck with me, I’m famous,’ face on more than one occasion. Except usually only when he was truly being a diva and needed to be put on a shorter leash. “He won’t say no. Noah won’t let him. I’ll make sure if I have to. I don’t pull the ‘no collars and cuffs’ conversation card often, but I will.”
“Let’s hope that won’t be necessary.” Connor got up to sit beside him on the bed, putting an arm around his shoulders. “He’s a reasonable man and I’m going to take a reasonable approach. You let me handle things from here, okay? If it takes a bit more time? Well, I’m sticking around, so I’ll just do what I have to until I prove myself worthy. You’re worth it.”
As far as Jamie was concerned, Connor had proven himself worthy over a decade ago. “If Jared can’t see it...” Shrugging off the feather cloak, Jamie stood. “I know in some ways I don’t fit his idea of what a sub should be, but I want to. I like being submissive and having a place in his and Noah’s life like that, but honestly sometimes I think he wants me to crawl and beg for it to prove I’m worthy, and I don’t get it.”
He pulled at the buckles on the rhinestone laden shirt, loosening it, remembering the thousands of times he’d had conversations with Connor during wardrobe changes. He’d listened then just like he did now, with an intent expression that said Jamie truly mattered. Not just because of money or fame, but because he was a whole person.
“It’s getting better, but sometimes I have to bite my tongue, you know? Not to ask Noah why he doesn’t see how unfair Jared is sometimes. And...then I remember that Jared saved him, and he was there first.” Swallowing hard, he pulled the shirt over his head. “I think, with you...there’s a piece of me I’d been trying to shove in a box, and you don’t mind it. So I can come out once in a while and be the me from L.A., and be the other me with Noah and Jared. Is that fucked up?”
“A little, but I get it.” Connor held up both of the shirts he’d gotten. Both the exact same shade of dark blue. He gave Jamie an encouraging smile. “I hope, with me, you can be all of you. Hollywood parts, Asylum parts, just all of what makes up who you are. No holds barred.” He met Jamie’s eyes. “I can’t speak for either of your other Doms. I know they love you, but I know there’s parts of you neither can fully grasp. I want to be here, whether or not they ever do.”
As Connor spoke, the lump in Jamie’s throat grew until it pushed the tears out of his eyes and down his cheeks in hot rivers. The world became watery as he sniffed and nodded, swiping at them. “I’d like that. Yes, please, sir. I’d like to just be all of me. With you.”
“You’ve got it, babe. Now finish getting changed and come sit on my lap to cry. I’ve got good shoulders.” Connor rubbed Jamie’s thigh, the light teasing doing nothing to erase the look of understanding and pure support in his eyes. “Don’t rub your face like that. Blotchiness, remember? Or worse. A nasty breakout. If you use my shirt, and my shoulder, you won’t have to worry about all that.”
It was hard to tell sometimes when Connor was being serious, but Jamie knew he wouldn’t mind the wet laughter that sputtered past his lips. Leaning in, Jamie brushed a soft kiss over their perfect peaks. Then made quick work of shucking the rest of his clothes and folding them carefully before he pulled on the button up shirt with long sleeves that flopped past his hands.
“I don’t need to cry. I’m too happy. It was just an old debt.” Still, he dabbed his cheeks against Connor’s shoulders as he climbed into his lap and wound his arms around his Dom’s neck. “Do you think...someday, you might tell me a few stories about you before me?”
Connor nodded, brushing a kiss over Jamie’s temple. “We can have the terrible ex talk. Or I can have it and you can listen, since you don’t have any.” He tilted his head to one side. “Do you want to hear about Steve? He ended up being Danny’s bodyguard for less than a week. He was one of my exes I caught doing coke in my apartment. I kicked him out. When I saw he’d been hired? Took me a while, but I convinced my boss to have his shit checked. I try not to judge, but when you’re watching over a bunch of young teens? You don’t want someone who’s going around high all the time. Or worse, might not be…very careful.”
“Holy crap, Connor.” One arm looped around Connor’s neck, Jamie hugged him. “That’s awful. I’m so sorry. I remember Steve. Mostly because Danny and I used to joke that we scared him away by asking for tater tots from McDonald’s. We figured when he couldn’t find them he thought we’d throw a fit, so he ghosted.”
Snorting, Connor shook his head, bouncing Jamie a bit until he was snug against him. “The mischief you two got into…you three actually, when you were first starting out, was something else. I used to hear giggling and wonder if your managers would have to come in because you’d tried dyeing your hair with Kool Aid again. Or hidden all your clothes so you could fill your suitcases with your ‘toys that weren’t toys’. Or video games.” His eyes went a bit far away, like he was picturing it. “There was that time Danny’s agent got him a huge teddy bear and said it was from his dad. There was no room for it on the flight. You managed to get it in your guitar case. We had to hold up everything to go back for your actual guitar.”
Hearing these memories through Connor’s eyes, Jamie saw himself, Danny, and Trevor for the first time in a very long time. Maybe ever. The layers of demands from the label execs and media fell away, and they were just three kids trying the best they could to...well, be kids. Whenever anyone would let them.
“Thanks for making it possible for me to have a childhood, Connor. I know we were a lot, but...” Toying with the fabric edge of his Dom’s T, Jamie pressed his cheek against the warm muscled curve of Connor’s shoulder. “I seriously don’t think I would’ve turned out okay if not for you. I would’ve become Trevor.”
Connor huffed. “Impossible. But…yeah, the people he had around him, just building up more ego than personality? Pretty sure that didn’t help. I did what I could to give you some room for a bit of normal. Looked the other way when the mischief wasn’t dangerous…or liable to get caught on camera. I didn’t raise you—that would’ve made this, now, a little strange—but…I tried to be someone in your corner. A friend.”
Tucking his knees up so his bare toes perched on Connor’s thigh, Jamie hummed his agreement. “You succeeded. And nobody really raised us. We were lucky we didn’t end up wild animals.” He snickered. “Remember when I convinced Danny to hide with me in the broom closet at the Bronx Zoo so we could go live with the monkeys?”
Poking him in the ribs, Connor nodded. “It took forever for us to get past the zoo’s security so we could find you. That one always liked tucking himself away in weird places. Whenever you two disappeared, I figured it was him, trying to stay out of sight, and you just going along with it. Then I found out you were perfectly capable of being a bad influence.” He let out a dramatic sigh. “You destroyed my image of you as a well behaved young teen. Which I totally believed was a thing.”
“Like Reed always says, ‘Oh, my sweet summer child’.” Tipping backward so his butt was still on Connor’s lap but his back rested against the throw pillows piled in the corner of the sofa, Jamie gazed up into the kindest brown eyes he’d known. “Want to make popcorn and watch a movie? Or are you tired? It’s gonna be light out soon.”
“You do remember I’m used to living on a pop star’s schedule, right?” Connor ran his hand up and down Jamie’s bare thigh. “I could watch a movie, I’m not tired. I had planned to fuck you on every available surface, but we can save some of that. Call it a leap of faith that I’m going to make sure we have plenty of opportunities.”
Jamie nodded, reaching up to skim his fingertips along the ridge of Connor’s cheek. “Even if we never had another? Being with you is pretty amazing all on its own.” Dropping his hand, he rolled his head to peer into the semi-darkness at all of his stuff mingled with Connor’s. “I can’t wait to see your baby photos. I’m totally going to snoop when you fall asleep halfway through Top Hat.”
A soft laugh came from Connor’s parted lips as he stretched his arms over his head, looking like he’d just fought off a yawn at the mention of sleeping. “Or you can sleep with me and I can just show you whatever you want to see in the morning. That’s always an option.”
Definitely the better one, as much fun as it was to joke. Slipping off his Dom’s lap, Jamie stood. “Give ‘er here.” He held out his hand, tugging Connor up with help. “Sleep. I want to test drive your cuddle function before I fully commit.”
“You will. During the movie.” Connor slipped his arm around Jamie’s waist, swooping him up so he was laid over both his arms as he returned to the white couch. Sitting with Jamie sprawled over him, he reached behind the sofa, tapping a button that turned on a projector, which lit up the wall in front of them. He handed Jamie his phone and pointed at an app. “This controls the whole thing. I’m not here enough to have bought a TV, but the projector is portable and I use it sometimes when briefing my guys for new clients.” He chuckled. “Shea always tells me to just give him the file and takes off.”
Poking at the movie server app, Jamie scrolled through the tons of movies that Connor must’ve downloaded over the years. He remembered some of them from their tours, but he didn’t really know enough to say which ones the man really liked.
“Do you have ones that are your favorites?” Jamie glanced up, enjoying the way the table lamp made Connor’s hair glow like a halo from behind. “I want to know you as good as you know me.”
Connor gave him a warm smile, brushing his knuckles down Jamie’s cheek. “I’ve always enjoyed watching the stuff you loved. Should’ve clued me in when I started learning about the lifestyle, but…yeah, all I know is I learned not to get to into making other people happy. I’ve had a few past boyfriends who used that against me. You never have.” He cleared his throat, looking toward the wall, which displayed his most recent views from the projector. “Other than old flics and cheesy romances, I like comedy. Any kind. Chilling out here after a long day and getting to laugh is like a recharge.”
“Best of both worlds, then?” Jamie scrolled to the romantic comedies and pulled up one of his favorites. “The Holiday? Or are you like Curtis and you think the American woman whose name I always forget has too weird of a smile?”
Snorting, Connor shook his head. “No, and didn’t we meet her? Or you did and I stood back, blending into the…very colorful fabric and brand backgrounds.”
“She was sweet. Next time, I’ll tell her you’re my boyfriend. Is it okay if I call you that?” Jamie poked the small version of the movie poster, causing the light to shift on the wall as he opened the controls. “I watch it for Jack Black though. Anyone who can sing ‘scroodely-doo’ like him, is awesome.”
After flicking off the lights, Connor settled back, letting out a quiet hum of agreement. “You’ll notice if you check out my favorites, most of his movies are on there. I get a kick out of movies that have music and make me smile. I’m not telling you why, you’ll think I’m a dork and cheesy.” He kissed the side of Jamie’s neck. “But yeah, you can call me your boyfriend. I’d like that a lot.”
“I never had one before.” Whispering more to himself than Connor, Jamie tucked himself into his boyfriend’s side and smiled a secret smile to himself as the opening credits and establishing shots rolled. “A boyfriend, or a dork.”
Connor held him a little tighter, his smile in his voice. “Now you’ve got both. And a ‘lucky chick’. I’ve become all things. Which is fucking weird, but I’m good going with the flow. I hope you get this reference, but I won’t let you be my ‘Whitney’. Can’t remember the name she used in that movie, but I found it depressing as fuck when he had to leave in the end.”
“I can’t watch that movie. I cry like I’m never gonna stop, every time.” Just thinking about Connor leaving him would turn him into a waterworks, so Jamie shook his head to scatter the image. Then pointed at the screen. “I always feel tight in my chest when she rubs hers like that and tries to cry. I used to think maybe I could give her some of my weepiness. I like crying, and laughing. I wouldn’t want to give up either. It’d suck not to feel all my feels.”
The slight nod of response from Connor was no more than a brush of his cheek against the side of Jamie’s head, but his tone made it clear he agreed. “When I was a SEAL—and fuck the ‘once a always a’ bullshit—I had to do that a lot. Obviously, on the job, too. But when I’m watching a movie or just living? Not much gets to me, but when it does, I refuse to lock it down. I’m not ashamed of being human.”
“You never have to be anyone but you with me, sir. That’s the thing that makes me happiest of all. We’re gonna be one big feedback loop of real.” Slipping his arm around Connor’s side to tuck between the sofa and his back, Jamie made sure there wasn’t a hair’s breadth of space between them. “I love my whole family, and they all let me be different pieces of myself, which is nice. I never would’ve known I could throw a punch if not for Noah, and he makes me feel strong and weak all in the right ways. You make me feel easy.” He snorted. “Not like that. You know what I mean.”
Connor twisted a bit to look down at him. “I do, but the other meaning? That, too. But only with a very select few. It might be soon to start staking a claim, but that’s one thing I wasn’t putting out there lightly.” His brow furrowed. “If it’s something you really want, I’ll deal. But I won’t be playing with other subs. And I…don’t like the idea of you with just anyone.”
Tipping back against Connor’s arm, Jamie studied the intensity of his expression. The one that he sometimes wore on detail when he was trying to feel out if things were about to go sideways and he’d need to jump in.
“I’d really like that, sir. I don’t know if this makes sense, but I want... I like being special with you. I’d like it very much if that was a rule, for me. Nobody more.” Jamie licked his lips, wondering if he was going to screw things up. “I never thought anything but two sides of a coin existed. Monogamy or cheating. I spent so long writing songs about both. It still surprises me sometimes that I have the ability to share Noah, love Wren, and have Matt in my life.” He scrunched up his nose. “It’d kill Noah to know that Jared and me only exist for him, but I’m finding my footing with that. You, though? I think that place in my middle that aches for romance would’ve really liked to be someone special to a special someone.”
A smile that was full of relief and understanding, big and warm, spread across Connor’s lips. “Good. It doesn’t bother me, who you’re with now. The game? Other people in the mix? Different story. You and Matt are too sweet together for it to ever bother me. You and Wren have something unique. Noah’s obvious…and so is Jared, in a way. Like you said.” He lifted one shoulder. “I don’t want to explore all that. I like my place, a bit outside of the Core, with some friendships, but not tangled up in everything. You’re who I want and seeing I can be with you? I mean, if it all works out? That feels…right.”
Instead of answering with words, Jamie answered with a kiss. Reaching up, he poured his feelings into the touch of his lips against Connor’s, relishing the warmth, safety, and companionship he’d found in his arms. The ability to let go and be himself.
Connor might have played all his cards for him, but right then, Jamie had no doubt he was the one holding all the aces. Including the most important one of all.
Hearts.
Hearts and flowers. All the way.
Nobody could be luckier than he was. He had five of a kind, which in some books might have meant he'd cheated, but right now? It equalled a full house. And that was more than fine.
Because it gave him the winningest hand of all.
Big fat romantic sigh 🥰
ReplyDeleteHow many more parts/episodes will there be? These blog posts are the highlight of my weekends. 😁
ReplyDeleteHi is there a part four of love and stitches because I would like to know about wrens party
ReplyDelete