LOVE & STITCHES at The Asylum Part Eighteen
The weekend is here again, which means it's time to steal a few minutes for yourself, sit back, and revisit The Asylum!
It's also National Cookie Day, so have a treat while you're at it. :)
Happy Reading!
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“I don’t think it’s a problem to leave him down there with Stephan for a session, love.” Jared watched Noah pace the length of their loft, Jamie sitting on the leather sofa beside him.
Leg bouncing, Jamie watched Noah like he gazed upon the progress of a tennis match. Or perhaps one of those old arcade games he liked with the line and the dot. “I’ve done it lots before.”
Since the incident with Garet, they’d all been on edge for a few days, with Noah going into overdrive as Pike had predicted. Somehow, they needed to reel him back in. Make him feel safe. Thinking back to their early days together, Jared tried for a compromise.
“What if we walk him down and you work off some of that energy with a swim?” Before you wear a hole in the carpet.
Noah shook his head. “How will I be able to keep an eye on anything while I’m in the pool? And you will not be doing that again, Jamie.” Jaw working like he was trying to sharpen his molars, Noah let out a rough sound. “Avery was drugged. Garet brought that shit into my club and… What if he’d put it in something? One of Jamie’s drinks? Or a can of RedBull when Wren wasn’t paying attention. There were so many opportunities because we relaxed. It only takes once, Jared. But if I’m with them, there’s no risk. That’s the only thing that’s acceptable.”
Alright. So compromise won’t work.
Before Jared could open his mouth to offer another suggestion, Jamie made a frustrated sound, falling back against the sofa cushions. “You can’t be in my sessions with me, Noah. I’ve been wanting to see Stephan for days. I have to talk about some stuff, and I...it’s embarrassing.”
Finally, Noah stopped pacing. “Why would it be embarrassing? I’m your husband, don’t you tell me everything anyway?”
Jared tried not to let his ‘Are you serious, love?’ show on his face.
Jamie shook his head and nodded at the same time, doing the circular thing he always did when he knew a truthful answer would be controversial. “I mean, sometimes I work it out with Stephan or Wren or even Rhodey first? So I can figure out what’s really in my head?”
“All right, that I can understand. I won’t forbid you from talking to others, obviously, as unreasonable as everyone thinks I am.” Noah laced his fingers behind his neck and resumed his pacing. “Wren does his session, more often than not, over videochat. You can do the same. In Wren’s office, where you’ll have full privacy.”
It wasn’t completely unreasonable, and a rather creative solution. Except for the part where Jamie had become a prisoner to Noah’s fears. “And you, my love?” Jared spoke up. “Have you thought about Stephan’s offer to see you for another session?”
Noah dropped his hands to his sides. “I haven’t snapped again, Jared. There’s nothing for me to discuss with him. I am thinking clearly and I haven’t attacked anyone. The situation with Pike doesn’t count, I thought he was a potential threat because I didn’t have all the facts. And I didn’t realize how fucking fragile he is. I also apologized.”
“Wait.” Jared raised and lowered his palm, gesturing for Noah to slow down. “No one thinks you’ve snapped. Mental health is like brushing your teeth. You need to remove the plaque more than once every six months at the dentist.”
Noah massaged the back of his neck, closing his eyes. “I’m handling the situation well. I am simply taking precautions. But...I don’t want to keep Jamie from getting what he needs.” He crouched down in front of Jamie, placing his hands on his thighs. “Is it because Wren’s office scares you? How about you use Lawson’s office. Not downstairs, the one Curtis set up for him in their loft. It’s...closer to Stephan’s office. And you love that big, fancy chair that looks like a throne that Matt and Reed got for him as a joke.” His lips twitched. “It does add some color to the room and, with a crown, he’d fit right in.”
The visual of Lawson with a sceptre and robes, his grumpy pre-coffee morning face on, pulled a rumble of laughter from Jared. “That’s not his problem, Noah. It’s that Stephan’s office is one of the only places he can talk freely without being overheard in the security room or somewhere else.” Jared didn’t dare tell Jamie that his words would be heard by anyone in the area, knowing that whatever he had to say he wouldn’t keep from Noah long anyway. Usually, after a session, he gave a play-by-play. “I can join you, if you like?”
“What about Wren?” Noah looked toward the door to his art room, where Wren had been spending more and more time lately. “I know he’s safe in here, but he’s wandered onto the roof a few times to watch the sky. I don’t want him doing that alone.”
“We could bring him down for a swim?” It wouldn’t be bad for their boy to get some exercise.
That brought a slanted smile to Noah’s lips. “I’d like that. If you can convince him to come down, we can make a family outing of it. Maybe grab some lunch on the way down.” He caught Jared’s gaze. “See? Calm, reasonable, and willing to compromise. I am fine, my man.”
The fact that going from the fifth floor to the basement now constituted an outing in their world wasn’t lost on Jared. He stood, crossing the loft to knock on Wren’s office door. “Wren, love?” He leaned in, finding him by the easel. “Come out so we can have a quick family meeting.”
Wren made a face, dragging his gaze away from the large snowflake Noah had somehow made look like very realistic glass on a shimmering black background. “But this is a new one, sir. And if Jamie said he didn’t do it, I can absolutely confirm it. Unless it’s brushing the cat, he forgot and we really should discuss that. Also, his socks between the mattress.” He tilted his head. “Ah, I see, there are a few reasons for a meeting. But can I come right back after? Look.” He turned, pointing at the different paintings Noah had hung around the room. “It looks like it’s snowing outside. Like they’re all windows.”
It really was lovely, and one of the most loving things Jared had ever seen someone do. Pride in Noah swelling his chest, he motioned to Wren. “Come, love. We’re going to discuss something and then go downstairs for a bit.”
“Did the schedule change again?” Wren left the room with him, smiling at Jamie before taking a seat in one of the armchairs. “Are you feeling better? Noah said you’d be able to go back to working in the dance club when everything was well. You didn’t seem sick, but I thought it would be rude to check if Jared already had. I hope it’s not your voice? I should make you some tea.” He got back up. “Would anyone else like some?”
Jamie shook his head. “Thanks, my voice is fine. I think you’re about to get Dommed into doing something you’re going to hate. Just a heads up. So you can think up an excuse not to go swimming while I’m in my session.”
“Why would I go swimming? Are we training?” Wren’s eyes widened. “We’re not going on vacation again, are we? I would like to stay here. And you all should too. All flights are grounded, just give me one minute.”
That brought a soft laugh from Noah. “If we ever even think of doing something like that, I’ll let you.”
Jared sat on the arm of the chair next to Wren, running his hand over the strands that still prickled his fingers a little with their shortness. “I’ll fetch your swim trunks and we’ll head down so we don’t make Jamie late.”
Tipping his head back, Wren gave him a disgruntled look. “I do not enjoy swimming, it’s very...messy. And the swim trunks are too tight. I think Jamie should go and I should...reorganize the books. Do you know who put them all back wrong?”
“It’s really cool you’re all into making sure I can get in my hour to bitch about my parents...” Sharing a look with Wren, Jamie frowned before he met Jared’s gaze again. “But how come we’re on the buddy system inside? I thought that was just an outside thing?”
Poking at Noah’s wounds would not get them anywhere. Jared stood, intending to go to the bedroom himself to gather their swim things. He paused by Noah’s chair. “I don’t recall it being a democracy in this household, but is it a problem to want to enjoy an activity as a family?”
Noah caught his gaze, inclining his head slightly, as though to show they were on the same page. His smile was a bit stiff as he patted Jamie’s thigh. “Let’s not make you late for your appointment. Grab your things. Wren, you, too. We’ll have a nice afternoon and not invite problems where there aren’t any.”
“Are we allowed to safeword when we’re being gaslit?” Jamie studied his nails.
“Jamie.” Biting down on the urge to raise his voice, Jared tightened his grip on the back of Noah’s chair. “You are three seconds away from a much less pleasant next hour than originally planned.”
Setting Jamie on his feet, Noah rose to his own. He tipped Jamie’s chin up. “Wanting to enjoy the day isn’t gaslighting, little cat. If there’s an issue I think you need to worry about, I’ll let you know. There isn’t.”
At first, Jamie’s fingers curled into his palms by his side, but at the last bit they relaxed. Gaze softening, Jamie nodded a little. “Yes, sir. Thank you. I trust you.” He turned, moving to the bedroom, where the sound of drawers opening and closing could be heard.
“We really need to work on his waiting to be dismissed...” Jared mused.
Looking at Noah, then Jared, then at the door, Wren narrowed his eyes. He walked into the bedroom, came out and tossed two pennies on the floor. “I don’t believe either of you. I’ll be in the art room. Please come find me when there’s something to discuss that you think I can handle. Have a good day, sirs.” Turning, he walked to the art room, closing the door softly behind him.
“Well... I suppose those are as good as a safeword.” Jared sighed, dropping into Noah’s chair. “I should go after him, but...I think we all need a minute.”
“I think he’s figured out we’re keeping something from him, and he’s connected it to what was just discussed.” Noah bent down and picked up one of the pennies, shaking his head. “I’ve fucked up his routine and Jamie’s, and it’s having an impact. I’m...sorry.”
Jamie returned to the living room, a bundle of swim trunks, one of them Noah’s old Speedo, in his hands. His steps slowed, a frown creasing the bit of flesh between his brows. “Uh... Did Wren go down already?”
“No. He needed some time to himself. There are things to discuss, but I meant it when I said I want to have a good day.” Noah tipped Jamie’s chin up to kiss his lips. He glanced at the pennies in his palm, sighing before leaning down to place them on the coffee table. “You can go down. In our home, all five flights down, and see your therapist. I shouldn’t have put conditions around it. Forgive your Dom for being an overbearing bastard?”
“I don’t think that about you.” Head back, Jamie stared up at Noah. “I kinda like when you’re protective. This was just...extra, so it felt weird.”
Noah chuckled, kissing Jamie again. “Well, then, we’ll go back to Jared’s original suggestion. I could use a swim and maybe it will remind me that I’ve already made this place as safe as humanly possible and should stop questioning that every time something goes a little sideways.”
“That sounds like a really cool plan, sir.” Jamie handed Noah his fire engine red swimwear. “Here you go.”
“Is my little cat trying to get a sexy show out of this?” Noah plucked up the shorts, twirling them around his finger. “These don’t leave much to the imagination.”
Jared chuckled, watching as Jamie put his hands behind his back in an imitation of innocence and submission. “No, sir. Is that a problem?”
Smirking, Noah picked Jamie up, giving his ass a solid smack. “Not in the least little bit. Let’s go get your head shrunk and my balls constricted. It’ll be fun in the most Asylum way possible.”
Watching them go, Jared blew out a relieved breath. That was one problem down. He glanced at the art room door. One to go... Except he didn’t know if he had it in him to tell Wren the story of Garet. They hadn’t heard anything yet about his condition, and with Rhodey holding the keys to Garet’s recovery it was likely it would be some time before they did.
Taking one of the pennies from the table, he opened the art studio door. “I owe you an apology.”
Sitting on the floor, gazing up at the new painting, Wren didn’t speak or move for a moment. Then he glanced over at Jared, his eyes filled with hurt. “I know things may be...difficult with me sometimes, sir, but I do my work and I try to be there for all of you. I don’t understand why...it’s gone so far in the other direction. People used to trust me with things. You used to...think I was strong. Now...I don’t know what you see when you look at me anymore. Maybe...just a broken bird.”
A broken bird.
He’d the same thought, and flinched when the words came out of Wren’s mouth. It was a long moment before Jared answered around the thickness in his throat.
Stepping inside, Jared closed the door and leaned against it. “When Garet came here the other night, he was high and selling drugs from the gang. He’s in rehab and won’t be returning here again.”
Wren’s eyes widened as he pushed to his feet, crossing the room to stand in front of Jared. “Did someone buy them? Are they okay? If someone died here from that…” He brought his hand up to cover his mouth. “Noah would think of Andrew. I understand. I should have been more patient and known you had a reason. And...Matt, this must be so hard for him. Did he go with Garet? Did...did Lawson go? Is everyone leaving while I’ve been in here… I was enjoying something beautiful while everyone was facing something so...difficult.”
“No, no one died. And everyone is still here, little raven.” Jared folded Wren into his embrace. “And why shouldn’t you be in here with beauty when there’s so much ugliness out in the world? You may stay here with all the loveliness life has to offer for as long as you wish.”
“Because you’re out there. And I don’t care how ugly it is, I want to be part of your world.” Wren tipped his head back. “Stephan said I have to be careful not to always do what’s easier, but sometimes it’s okay. It’s easier when everyone is busy to forget the time and everything outside of the rooms that feel safe. But...I can do more. I’ll try harder.”
Sliding down the door, Jared brought Wren to the floor with him, widening his thighs so Wren could lean back against him. “You do more than the rest of us put together, my love.” He rested his chin on the top of Wren’s head, gazing at the snowflake that had entranced him for hours. It was several moments before he spoke. “I love having you with me whenever possible, but you can’t try harder because you’re already perfect. There’s nothing left to do.”
“I think you must be very stressed or tired to say something that silly, sir. No one is perfect. And I need to know there’s always more to reach for. Otherwise, what’s the point?” Wren turned in his arms and reached up to stroke his beard. “Do you want to rest or would you like to do something? Tell me. I’m yours, I need you to tell me what you want from me. I need a way to serve you.”
“Who am I to refuse such a beautifully worded request?” Turning his head, Jared kissed Wren’s palm. “I want to cook lunch with you, listen to music, and talk. Let’s just be a family together.”
Wren smiled and stood, reaching out to take Jared’s hands. “We can make pastries with meat and cheese in them. It takes a very long time and we’ll probably do a horrible job and have to go eat in the galley, but it will be fun.”
The idea of making a mess of anything with Wren lifted Jared’s mood so that when they stood he felt ten pounds lighter. “As long as we don’t poison ourselves. I’m in.” He opened the door, already able to imagine the taste of the browned meat. “I think caramelizing onions takes a while. I’ve never had the patience to do it successfully, but I’d like to try again.”
“I like that idea.” A hint of mischief tipped Wren’s lips as he scrubbed his hands down much like he did before so much as putting a Band-Aid on Jamie’s finger, all the way to the elbows like he might be reaching inside someone’s guts any minute. “And just imagine the look on Jamie and Noah’s face when they come back and see what we’ve done. They may be a little afraid and it will be wonderful.”
“We can start our own podcast.” Lifting the remote from the coffee table, Jared aimed it at the sound system, pressing the button for his and Wren’s playlists. “Horror in the Kitchen...or Kitchen Horrors with Wren and Jared.” He stood before the sink, turning on the tap to wash his hands. “Your hopeless hosts.”
Giggling, Wren slipped into the kitchen, going to the cupboard and taking out all the carefully labelled containers. “Rhodey would lock us both in the cells. Keiran would be disturbed and probably beg us never to do it again.” He opened the first container, struggling with the next. When the top came off, flour flew up in a high cloud. “Oh...this is not a very good start. I’m sorry, sir. I made a very big mess.”
“That was part of the objective, yes?” Checking in with Wren, Jared dug his fingers into the flour, enjoying its dry coolness.
“Yes, sir.” Wren wiped his hands over his face. “But...not too big of a mess.”
“How big is too big?” Jared held up a fistful of flour, a slow grin spreading across his face. “Because I think I can make it snow...indoors.”
Wren’s eyes went wide, dusting of flour all over his hair and lashes making him look like he was playing dress up as a ghost. “That would be worth the cleanup, sir.”
Nodding, Jared signaled his agreement and climbed up so he stood on the kitchen table just under the black metal ceiling fan. “Here.” He motioned to the container of flour. “Give that to me.”
Grabbing the container, Wren handed it up to him. “Sir, just because I have to ask, you’re doing this to try something different, right? Matt didn’t make you any ‘special’ coffee?”
“Do I look like a fool who would be taken in by something that must have tasted like grass and manure mixed together?” Taking the container, he gave Wren a long look.
Wren shook his head. “No, sir. I like this, I just needed to know if I should watch for hallucinations or any strange side effects. You just wanting to play with me is even better.”
“Good.” Jared placed the first fistful of flour on the top of the fan blade, then dug in to place them further back, and at intervals along each of the three long metal strips. He dusted his hand on his pants, then held out the container to Wren. “Here you go, love. First, we put on the Peanuts theme for good snow-effect music, and then it’s showtime.”
Putting the flour container back with the others, Wren gazed up at him as he climbed down, then took his hand. “I don’t think we’ll be able to cook in this mess, sir. And we’ll both need a shower. But...this is different. It feels...new. I like having new with you.”
“As do I, little raven. As do I.” The remote in his hand, Jared found the song he sought—a happy, spritely tune that always reminded him of winter and cocoa when he and Rhodey celebrated one Christmas together the first year after they’d run away. “Dance in the snow with me?” He held out both hands to Wren.
Wren took his hands, moving in close. “Only if you’ll lead the way, sir.”
“Always, my love. Anywhere you want to go. I’ll make sure you get there.” Jared began to move, a little samba step that had them stepping back and forth, hips wriggling, when he reached over to flick on the fan.
The blade hummed to lazily life. Then spun faster. A cloud of white dispersed outward, falling in a dry rain around him and Wren, landing like a blizzard on everything it touched, and making it impossible to see more than each other in their own personal snow globe.
“It’s perfect, sir.” Wren’s voice held wonder as he turned his head from side to side, taking it all in. He moved into Jared’s arms, pressing his hand to Jared’s chest. “Don’t you feel so alive? It’s like...the perfect moment, where nothing can take it away. You just see the snow and hear that strong heart beating, like I can feel yours now.”
“I do. So alive.” Knowing how the human mind made triumph out of tragedy, Jared marvelled at the beauty around him. A cloud of angel feathers, snow, flour. It didn’t make a difference as long as it fell around him and his boy. “We can build a room where we can do this every day.”
Wren let out a delighted laugh. “A real life-sized snow globe. That would be fun, but...maybe not every day. I am trying very hard not to think of how long this will take to clean up. It’s worth it. And you’re smiling. You hadn’t in days. I remember.”
Blinking against the prickling at the corners of his eyes, Jared nodded. “Because of the snow? That’s why you remember?”
“No...I don’t mean back then. I mean...the past few days.” Wren reached up and brushed some flour from Jared’s cheek. “Things were heavier and when Jamie wanted to go see Stephan I didn’t want to...leave the safe place I’d found away from the pain. But I couldn’t...stand not knowing why you looked tired and sad. And why Noah was on edge all the time. And Jamie was biting his nails again when no one was looking.”
“You used to compare notes, you two.” The song clicked over into another Jazzy tune and Jared changed their steps with it as their makeshift snow thinned out a little, though the fan still stirred up enough of the stuff into the air that it would never entirely dissipate. “Did you? Talk about it? Speculate?”
Wren lowered his gaze. “No, but it’s my fault. I like the quiet and calm and I just...stayed in it too long. And Jamie likes the song and the movement and...I think he was moving too fast for me. I couldn’t keep up. So I just...try to take care of what I can. The little things I hope make him happy, like making sure his favorite jeans are ready for him. And we never run out of cherries, or cupcakes. And I watch the same movies with him over and over because they make him smile.”
Shaking his head, Jared tried to think of how to convey the importance of what he needed to say. “That’s love, Wren, but it’s not friendship. You know the difference, yes?”
“I think I did, once. Enough that I miss it.” Wren used the toe of his socked foot to draw little circles in the flour on the floor. “I think he sees me as someone he needs to take care of, but not his friend anymore. And I never wanted that. I spend a lot of days alone, I can take care of myself.”
“He knows how much you do to take care of us. So do I.” He ran his gaze over Wren’s flour dusted face, continuing their dance more slowly now that the song had moved on to another track. “I want him to take more responsibility for you so I don’t need to worry that he can’t make it on his own, or that if you needed him he wouldn’t be there for you. Should Noah and I not be able to be there for you. Either of you. Perhaps that’s why he’s leaning into taking care of you rather than just having fun with you the way you’d both prefer.”
Wren took Jared’s hand and put it more firmly around his waist. “I don’t want to think of that ever happening. But I’m going to...talk to Jamie like I used to. And I’ll let him do things for me. I want us all to be happy. We don’t have to let the world take that away.”
The early days of their friendship had been full of secret rendezvous and mischief, something Jared very much missed. Including the moments when they’d watched Wren’s favorite horror movies with the blankets mostly over Jamie’s head. Sometimes, Jared longed for his boys to still have the freedom to get into the right sort of trouble. Now, everything was so locked down it was difficult for either of them to move without fear of putting a foot out of line, and that was no way to live.
“No. We don’t.” Jared lowered his lips to Wren’s, the dryness of the flour making for an interesting landing, their slow footsteps kicking up a dry-ice fog made of flour. He licked a bit of it away. “You do not taste like a meat pie.”
“Neither do you, sir. I think we failed at our first pastries.” Wren burst out laughing and wrapped his arms around Jared’s waist. “We should tell Keiran the steps we took. He’ll find it funny when he stops being more and more horrified.”
“Holy shitballs.” Jamie spoke from the doorway. “What the fuck?”
A loud smack sounded, dampened by fabric. “You kiss your Doms with that mouth, don’t start taking on the other subs’ terrible habits.” Noah stepped into the kitchen, trailing his fingers through the flour on the table. “Our boys certainly are spoiled. Snow in the house. You’re setting the bar very high, my love.” He leaned in, smelling of the fresh saltwater used for the pool, his hair still damp. His lips covered Jared’s in a slow kiss. “It looks like you two had fun.”
“We did.” Jared licked the salt from Noah’s lips, his already awakened arousal thrumming beneath his skin. “And you look like you had a very good workout.” Between them, Wren was pressed against Jared’s chest. “Though our pastry baking went a bit awry.”
Wren nodded, wiggling out from between them. He went to the flour container. “Hey, Jamie?” He picked up a handful of flour when Jamie looked up and tossed it at him. “You get to clean it up.”
Sputtering, his face covered and eyelashes coated in white, Jamie hooted, diving for the flour container. Jared stepped out of the way as the first ‘snowball’ flew in Wren’s direction.
“Spoiled and completely out of control.” Noah backed away from a wayward cloud of flour, folding his arms over his chest.
Jared scooped Wren up, taking him out of the way of Jamie’s next lob. “Showers.” He gauged the distance to the closest bathroom and decided on the industrial shower they used for dirtier tasks in the laundry room. “Pre-wash. Then showers.”
Noah grabbed the broom. “Good idea. I’ll get started on this.”
“Yes, sir.” Jamie kissed Noah’s cheek on the way by.
Jared set Wren on his feet with another flour-dusted kiss. “Go shower with Jamie, love. No sexy stroking. Just get clean.”
“Yes, sir.” Wren reached out and took Jamie’s hand. “Your hair looks exactly the same. Did you have fun talking to Stephan? I have fun sometimes when he uses the lights or we do puzzles. Did you get to swim? Maybe tomorrow I’ll come, but no splashing. How many laps did Noah do? Do you know the water is supposed to be very good for your skin with the salt instead of chlorine?”
Jared listened to Jamie’s voice, quieter as he and Wren disappeared into the laundry room. He turned to Noah. “I’m sorry the mess is stressing you out. It was my idea. Please, let me clean it up.” Reaching to brush his fingers against Noah’s, he tugged on the broom. “Sit and talk to me while I clean.”
“Oh no, my man. You can grab a rag and help if you want. And I’m not stressed, I love seeing you having fun and getting him out of that room.” Noah twisted the broom out of Jared’s hand, then jabbed it playfully at him like a sword. “I will be stressed if it’s like this for too long. And Wren will take over if we let him, we both know he was joking about about having Jamie clean up.”
“I think if you want it not to be Wren, it had best be you and me then.” Humming a little to himself, Jared looked under the sink, where the cleaning sponge and a bucket were neatly stowed away. “Aha. First try.” He came out with the pail, the sponge inside. “Jamie would only smear flour from one side of the kitchen to the other.”
Noah swept the flour into small piles. “Yes, and it would be an overwhelming task for him. I like him relaxing after sessions, they can be draining.”
“True.” Water splashed from the tap into the bucket, Jared up to his elbow, to wet the sponge. “I don’t mind going down with him in the future if you find it draining yourself. I’ve...learned some things that have helped me understand him better.”
Glancing over at him, Noah made a thoughtful sound. “Yes, I noticed before I got in the water that Stephan’s ‘office’ isn’t very soundproof. It breaks my heart to hear how much Jamie’s relationship with his parents still impacts him. I’d consider doing something about it, but Rhodey would have me in sessions with the man myself before I even took a step out the front door.”
“We might be an imperfect family, but I’m glad he has this place to show him a more authentic form of love and affection.” Warm water gushed from the sponge, Jared squeezing it as his gaze went distant. The flour coated tiles along the backsplash danced a bit hazily. “I didn’t have tutors looking out for me, but I understand what it is to feel like you can’t be the right kind of enough.”
Noah grabbed the dustpad, taking a knee to sweep the first pile of flour into it, the white powder clinging to his black jeans, much like it did on the days he got to help Curtis with renovations. A rare occasion, but he always seemed more relaxed after a few hours of manual labor. “Living up to expectations has its own drawbacks, but...that’s a topic of conversation for another day. I do realize we can’t protect them from everything and everyone, as much as I’d like to. No matter how secure we make our little bubble, unless we completely isolate them from the world, painful things will still get in. And it’s what we share here that helps make it easier to bear.”
Speaking of painful things...
Jared ran the sponge over the stove lifting the black iron burner plates to get at the crevices beneath. “Wren and I talked about Garet. I told him Jamie doesn’t know.”
That got a wince from Noah as he knelt to fill the dustpan again. “He will shortly, Wren is incapable of keeping secrets from him. At least he’s not as bad as he used to be about spilling his whole life to anyone who will listen. It’s mostly Core he speaks to, which is much safer.”
“Agreed. But they need to have their bonding rituals as well, and if that’s Wren telling some sensitive secrets, then I’m good with that.” Jared returned to the bucket, swishing the sponge in warm water that had quickly turned cloudy. “I’d like his party to be fun. For him to get a bit of that taste of freedom in the right ways. His eyes, when the snow began to fall in the kitchen. His laughter. I miss that. I want to give that to him again.”
A smile curved Noah’s lips as he carefully dumped the flour in the trash, barely making a cloud. “It will be. We’ve got the best group behind us to make it happen, my man. I’ll talk to Jamie about keeping him busy when we start working on setting things up so he doesn’t get suspicious. I realize I was taking it for granted that our little bird wouldn’t notice anything when he was distracted by my paintings or his collections, but I forgot how quietly observant he can be. He might not say anything right away, but he notices any changes in our behavior. It’s why he makes such a good service sub.”
“He really does.” Responding to Noah’s service sub observation, Jared decided to forego the bucket and ran the sponge under the tap instead. “And how are you doing? I understand you like to put on a brave face for our boys, but I hope you know you can talk to me about your thoughts. When you’re ready.”
Taking a deep breath as he moved to another section of the kitchen to sweep the space under the counter, Noah was silent for a few moments. He kept his focus on his work as he spoke. “I do want to make things easier for them—there’s no reason for someone else’s actions to ruin what we’ve worked so fucking hard for. I went too far, not letting them know what had happened at all, but...damn it, it’s bad enough I can’t protect our men from the impact. Curtis and Lawson, Matt… They were happy. Seeing Lawson and his boy, how proud they were of creating something new between the café and the cigar lounge. Curtis’ confidence between his training and the changes he’s made here. It was...amazing. I need to find a way to make sure they don’t lose that.”
“Noah—” Jared waited until Noah glanced over his shoulder before he sat at the table, sponge in hand. “Do you remember what I told you when you were trying to cope with Andrew’s death? When everything you had at the dojo seemed so futile to you after?”
Broom placed quietly against the wall with the dustpan clipped to it, Noah turned, tucking his thumbs into the pockets of his jeans and tipping his head back. “It definitely wasn’t to go hunt down the bastard who’d sold him the drugs and either reform him or...kill him. But I had an interesting way of interpreting things back then.”
Jared huffed, lips pulling upward at the corners. He lifted the cobalt blue glass salt shaker shaped like a wren in flight, running his thumb along the indentations above the wings to remove the flour. “No. And yes, you did...” Growing serious, he met Noah’s gaze. “What I told you was that whatever you built from that pain would have lasting consequences because of the power of the emotion that fueled it. That you should choose carefully what you built, but that you would build something. And you did. Just as you did from prison.” He held up the little bird to the light. “And just as Lawson, Curtis, and Matt will from Garet’s troubles. It is their choice, however, and your trying to protect them from it only hampers their ability to heal. To make something from the pain. It is their right. As it was yours.”
“I know that. Believe me, I do.” Noah lifted his shoulders, then brought one hand up to rub over his lips, brushing away some of the flour that stuck to his cheek. “But I can’t do nothing. We’re a family and I need them to know I’ll be there for them. And I will make sure the damage isn’t made worse. That’s one thing I won’t negotiate on. I’ll try not to go overboard, though. Again.”
“What they need is a friend. Someone to drink with, have a distraction with, or a shoulder to lean on. They are past protecting, love. Attempting to do so in any way will have you clashing with Lawson. Show him how much you trust him and value the man he’s become.” Setting down the salt shaker in a clean spot on the counter, Jared began transferring all of the objects from the table so it could be wiped clean. “It can be the thing you build from this. Your relationship with them as friends, equals, and...who knows?” He shrugged a little. “Perhaps some manner of lovers again someday. It can begin here. Now.”
Noah blew out a breath, nodding slowly. “You’re probably right. It’s going to take all my strength not to do the exact thing that always has me and Lawson butting heads, but I respect him enough to put in the effort.” He glanced toward the hall at the sound of light footsteps. “We have plenty to keep us occupied here, in any case. Were you two our good boys in the shower?”
“Yes, sir.” Wren’s lips twitched as he kept trying to rub Jamie’s hair with a towel, looking a bit like he did chasing LD after a bath, snickering whenever Jamie ducked out of reach, both of them tripping over the much too large robes they’d put on. “I think I need to have Keiran make some special cat treats so he’ll stay still. That works for L.D. Or...it does sometimes.” He wiped the towel over Jamie’s face. “Or maybe cupcakes?”
Stopping in his tracks, Jamie stopped trying to duck, his voice muffled by the towel. “Mph good.”
Chuckling, Jared shook his head, sharing a look with Noah. “I don’t know if that was an agreement to let himself be rubbed down or an answer to your question, love.” Music still played over the kitchen speakers, filling the room with a jazzy horn solo that brightened the mood further. “Why don’t I get out the cupcakes and make some cocoa to be certain?”
“That would be wonderful, sir.” Wren moved the towel from Jamie’s face, rubbing his hair again until it was much fluffier than the cat’s had ever been. “I should take a picture and show it to Jacks. He could make you a wonderful Bride of Frankenstein costume. I don’t have any skills with makeup, but I believe I just accomplished the most important part of the costume.”
Noah snorted, catching Jamie around the waist and carrying him to the table to sit on his lap, wrapping his arms around him to hold him still for Wren’s ministrations. He kissed Jamie’s cheek, then nuzzled the top of his head, half his face hidden by the puffy white strands. “If you want a picture, you’d better take it quick. I wouldn’t mind a copy. I need a new screensaver.”
Squirming, Jamie made a faux squeal of distress. “My image is all I have, sir. Please, not that!”
“It is most certainly not all you have.” Noah squeezed Jamie a bit tighter to keep him still. “You have your voice. And that cute butt. And your impeccable sense of fashion. I’m sure your millions of fans would be tripping over themselves for a look at you and your new hairstyle. It’ll be trending before dinnertime.”
Jared set the kettle on the stove for his and Wren’s tea, then reached for the dark slate gray cocoa mugs on their pegs above the counter. “A new form of humiliation play? I like it. Very creative, love.” He winked at Noah, knowing Wren didn’t have a phone to take the photo even if he wanted to—a fact that likely hadn’t escaped Jamie either. “I would suggest closing his robe first, so we don’t repeat Bizzy’s dick-saster on a global scale.”
“I don’t think anyone would mistake my junk for Seth’s, sir.” Turning pink to the roots of his fluff, Jamie laughed. “You’re both the meanest Doms ever. I love you.”
Adjusting Jamie’s robe at Jared’s suggestion, Noah gave his boy a soft smile as he cuddled him up against his chest. He leaned in a kissed the tip of Jamie’s nose. “Yes, we’re absolutely terrible. I love you, little cat. Even when you do look a bit like you stuck a fork in a light socket. I hope you’re not letting Wren do any strange experiments on you. As important as fashion forwardness may be, I put my foot down on anything he might come up with to accomplish the full ‘Frankenstein’s Bride’ effect.”
That got him a nose wrinkle from Wren. “Sir, I wouldn’t electrocute Jamie, do you know what that does to your internal organs at the level that would be necessary? Besides, a light socket wouldn’t be nearly powerful enough. I’d need a lightning storm and...well, that’s only fantasy. Even if it wasn’t, I’d use a different test subject first…” He glanced over to the doorway as L.D. padded in. “Reanimating the cat would be a much more reasonable place to start.”
Having just plucked a spoon from the bouquet of utensils in an earthenware jug on the counter, Jared leaned over to swat Wren’s ass lightly. “The cat is already animated. I would start with one of the squirrels who keep building their nests in the generator that have Curtis cussing during every big storm.” The spoon clattered into the sink, and he selected another to stir the cocoa in the pan on the stove. “Get out the cupcakes, please, little raven, then sit and relax. Since I’m a sadist, I wish to see if you can keep from cleaning the kitchen for a full hour.”
“But…” Wren sighed, tearing his gaze from the cat, his lips parted. He took a deep breath and exchanged a look with Jamie before heading to the fridge. “You’re right. They are mean.” He pulled out the large white container of cupcakes Keiran had set aside for them the day before, brightening as though a thought had just occurred to him. “The squirrels would be an excellent idea, sir. Some of them don’t survive climbing around the space in the walls—I believe there’s something poisonous in there. Lawson said he’s bringing in an inspector to make sure it’s safe before he’ll let Curtis do any more work there. Maybe Jamie can help me get a few of them. Some we could try to bring back to life—unlikely, but it would be interesting to try. The others we can test to see if we can pinpoint what the poison is.”
Back to the room as he poured the steaming cocoa into two mugs, Jared nodded, knowing his evil smirk was hidden. “That’s an excellent plan, love. You’re both small enough to fit in there with Avery and Danny. Perhaps a little wall hide and seek?” He turned, mugs in hand, repressing his smile, humor warming his gaze. He held out a mug to Noah. “Cocoa?”
“Mmm, that smells amazing. Thank you.” Noah took the mug while keeping one arm around Jamie’s waist to prevent him from sliding off his lap, onto the floor. “I’ll have to order protective gear for all of you, so you may have to put off your hunting for dead squirrels for a few days. Is there something wrong, little cat? Doesn’t that sound like fun? You and Wren can spend some quality time together.”
Taking his mug from Jared, Jamie gave both him and Noah a mock dark look. “You’re like the older brothers I never had. Mean men. No blowjobs for you.”
“There wouldn’t be space for blowjobs in the walls…” Wren spoke quietly to himself as he set out some plates, placing two of Jamie’s favorite kind of cupcakes on the one in front of him. He absently licked some icing off his finger and made a face. “Oh...that is much too sweet. I am going to need to get another order of floss in. I should make a list…” He gave his head a little shake, then turned his attention to Jamie. “We don’t have to hunt for dead squirrels if you don’t want to. But...the costume might be fun? I like it when you try on different things and Jacks gets so excited when he has a new project. Have we watched any of the Frankenstein movies together? They’re not very scary and they’re classics. You might enjoy them.”
Blowing on his cocoa, lips a round pink pout, Jamie shook his head. “No, but that would be fun. I love classic stuff, even if it’s a little scary. I saw a comedy about Frankenstein once. It was fun.” He tipped his head back, looking up at Noah. “If we find dead squirrels, you have to taxidermy them into toys for L.D. Then I won’t complain at all. Their fur probably makes good mice.” Sitting up like he had a great idea, Jamie brightened. “Oh! That’s what we can do with all the mice in the traps!”
Noah made a face and shook his head. “No. I am putting my foot down at having animal corpses around the house. L.D. has plenty of toys and just...no. Let’s go with the classic movies and costumes instead. As amusing as it would be, I would prefer pastimes for you both that don’t require hazmat suits.”
“Tea, little raven?” Jared set Wren’s mug down in front of him, bringing his own to his place and sitting. “You do realize you’ve just been negotiated with, Noah? Jamie raised the stakes so high you showed your hand.” Plucking up a cupcake, he tipped it to Jamie’s lips. “Good job. Bite.”
Grinning, Jamie bit into the chocolate frosting, getting it on his upper lip and the tip of his nose. He spoke around the mouthful. “Yes, sir. Curtis taught me that. I didn’t think it would work.”
“Well played, my tricky little cat.” Noah breathed out a laugh as he sipped his cocoa. “I enjoy it when you keep me on my toes. Next time, I’ll have to come to the table better prepared for a challenge.”
A blob of frosting on the back of Wren’s hand catching his attention, Jared lifted Wren’s fingers to his lips and kissed his knuckles, meeting his eyes as he used the tip of his tongue to clean up the remainder that his boy would find too sweet. Flavor—sugar, chocolate, and amaretto—burst over his palate.
Jared held Wren’s gaze. “I don’t know which I find more enticing. You sitting here next to me, squirming about the dusty walls, or the idea of eating more frosting from your skin.”
“Both are torture, sir, I can see why you’d enjoy the idea.” Cheeks a bit pink, Wren sipped his tea. “I love sitting here with you, though. And our family being here. And...it’s quiet and the music is playing. We need more moments like this.”
Covered in flour, the taste of sugar and his boy on his tongue, the warmth of the kitchen surrounding him, Jared found no argument with any bit of what Wren had said. Yet, a momentary wisp of sadness ghosted his awareness as he realized Garet hadn’t been able to find this here, in his home. Or had turned away from it. Whichever it was, it made awareness of how lucky they were—himself, Noah, and their boys—to have had the strength to grasp joy, despite the difficulty and elusiveness of the task.
For every moment of heartache, they’d experienced a hundred, great and small, but yes. They would make more. And more after that.
Exactly like this.
****
Aww. I loved the snow storm.
ReplyDeletePlayful Jared is 🥰
ReplyDeleteLove seeing that quad have fun.
ReplyDeleteLove how Jared is trying to soften Noah's protectiveness.
ReplyDeleteThis was too perfect, and Wren and Jared together, broken bird *sob*, so sweet and loving. Jamie bratting and Noah's response, "Let’s go get your head shrunk and my balls constricted", awesome. Really shows the dynamics of the couples within the quad and how all the pieces fit <3
ReplyDelete