Love & Stitches at The Asylum: Part Thirty-Four

 

Good morning, Asylum Core friends!

Wishing you a happy Sunday. Wren would be overjoyed. It's a very snowy day here today with gusty wind. Weather is most definitely happening!

Remember, the Newsletter comes out this week. If you're not subscribed yet, you can find the link on AsylumFightClub.com and receive a thank you gift of Seven Letters.

Grab a blanket and settle in for some Noah action. (Spoiler: Next week's first installment is a SCORCHER you won't want to miss!)

XO

Tibby and Bianca

*****

PART 1
PART 2
PART 3
PART 4
PART 5
PART 6  
PART 7
PART 8 
PART 9
PART 10 
PART 11
PART 12
PART 13 
PART 14
PART 15
PART 16
PART 17  
PART 18
PART 19
PART 20
PART 21
PART 22  
PART 23

PART 24

PART 25

PART 26  
PART 27

PART 28

PART 29

PART 30

PART 31

PART 32

PART 33

*****

No matter how well Board meetings went, Noah always left them feeling a bit drained. Part of it was having to stand back and share control over how The Asylum was run. Not that he wanted to claim all the power, not anymore, but a small part of him he had to stifle felt like he should.

After a quick trip on his own to Blain’s shop, Noah had a nice new paddle for Lawson he hoped would make up for the loss of his first one. Back in his loft with his boys, Jared sticking around downstairs to go over Danny’s file with Seth and Quint—and probably see if he could corner Rhodey the second the opportunity presented itself—Noah wanted to hang on to the good feelings from the end of the meeting. Their schedule was clear for the next few hours and he was damn well going to enjoy every one.

“All right, I am trashing the bedroom rule for the day. I want you both in comfortable PJs. Jamie, lend Wren a pair of yours you think he’ll like.” Noah’s lips curved as he looked from Wren to Jamie, holding his little cat’s gaze. “I’m not promising you’ll be keeping them on. But I’m feeling cuddly and I hope you’ll indulge me.”

Catching Wren’s hand, Jamie guided him toward the bedroom. “How about the ones with the dark blue piping that Jared always says nice things about, as long as I’m not wearing them when I’m being punished? Then he doesn’t say anything about them at all.” Drawers opened and closed in the bedroom. “And I’ll wear the Care Bear ones Reed got for me after I came back from the dead.”

There was silence from Wren, and Noah had to watch him carefully to catch his nod. He stood in the bedroom doorway, inhaling past the pain tightening his chest at Jamie’s mention of his presumed death.

You have him back. That’s all that matters. Focus, man.

“Those would be perfect, my sweet little cat.” Noah smiled softly at the way Jamie sat Wren on the edge of the bed as he laid out the clothes, loving how he used the care for his co-sub to distract himself. “Would you like me to take out those gooey chocolate muffins Keiran stashed away for you?”

A glint of unholy passion appeared in Jamie’s eyes at the mention of Keiran’s chocolate anything most of the time, so it was unsurprising when he nodded vigorously. He tugged Wren’s sweater over his head, kissing his cheek as he answered. “Yes, sir. And I promise not to get chocolate on the sheets this time. I’ll be very careful...or maybe even eat them on a tray in the chair?”

“In bed. A tray will be fine.” Noah studied Wren for a moment, reaching out to pat his cheek. He was still being overly cautious with every move he made and every word he said, like he always did after a punishment, but hopefully, between himself and Jamie, they could ease him out of it. “I’ll get you some pretzels, my little bird. Would my boys like tea, hot chocolate...Red Bull?”

Folding Wren’s sweater, his tongue between his teeth like it took all his concentration to figure out the geometry of fabric that wasn’t smashed into a ball, Jamie took a moment to answer. “Umm...cocoa? And we have some grapefruit Red Bull. I saw it online and thought it might be fun to try.”

Noah widened his smile to make up for Wren’s complete lack of response. “That sounds like an interesting twist. I’ll go get everything. Do you want some of those colorful marshmallows Reed’s started buying in bulk? I took some off Curtis’ hands so Lawson wouldn’t notice the impulse was a bit...overzealous.”

Sparing Noah a concerned glance over his shoulder as he unbuttoned Wren’s shirt, Jamie seemed to gauge the intent behind Noah’s smile and brightened his own. Not a false and empty brightness, but one more cheerful than natural. “Yes, sir. He bought them in bulk so I could do spelling lessons with him on the bar. We make marshmallow words and eat letters. Then we have to make other words out of the ones that are left.”

That’s...actually quite clever. And it made Noah happy to know his husband and his—and Reed were doing something fun together. He let out a soft laugh. “I like hearing that very much. I was a little worried he was trying to make up for having to take it easy on the sugar for so long. I might have brought a few bags to stash at the Center just so he wasn’t tempted—I should have given Curtis more credit that he knows what he’s doing when he told me not to worry.” His throat tightened. “Not that I don’t trust him, it’s just…” He blew out a breath. “I can be an overbearing asshole. I’ll go get those drinks and snacks.”

A solid rap on the front door sounded as Noah left the bedroom. L.D. lifted his head from his curled up position on the giant cat tree Jamie had bought him that had fuzzy branches and felt leaves ‘growing’ out of the perches. A little growl, then a grumble, came from his throat, his eyes closing again like he’d figured out the person on the other side was someone he’d tolerate.

“Did you miss the memo that you’re not a dog?” Noah arched a brow at the cat, opening the door without bothering to see who it was before continuing to the kitchen—which would’ve gotten him a smack in the back of the head from Rhodey, but he’d almost welcome that right now just to get a clear idea of his uncle’s headspace. “Come in. I’m just putting on the kettle.”

Matt’s voice was muffled. “Where you want the popstar’s latest haul? UPS says they’re putting a warehouse distribution center on our block just to supply his habit.”

Retracing his steps once the kettle was set to boil, Noah grabbed the packages from Matt before they could topple the sub. “Thank you for bringing these up, little pup. Next time, just send me a text and I’ll come get them. You’ve got enough on your plate, pet. But I appreciate it.”

“Oh...” Matt’s blue eyes snapped back to Noah’s face. He’d clearly been taking in the loft like he didn’t know how it looked post-renovation and move-in. “Sure.”

Packages set on the coffee table, Noah waved Matt in. “I was just about to make Jamie some hot chocolate. I insist you have some with us in return for bringing these for him. Do you prefer a mountain of marshmallows like Reed or a small handful like Jamie?”

“Nice.” A smile brightened Matt’s habitually serious expression. “Usually, I go without and do a dusting of cocoa on top of the whipped cream. Or sometimes Reed convinces me to sprinkle the colored sugar on top.” He approached the expensive coffee machine with its milk frother and appendages that would take a nuclear scientist to learn how to run. “You using this or the old-fashioned milk in a pan on the stove method?”

Brow furrowing, Noah followed him into the kitchen, jutting his thumb at the kettle and the packages of instant hot chocolate he’d taken out. “I’m using that. My mother tried to teach me to do it on the stove. I’m usually pretty handy with the basics, but I have a bad habit of burning the milk. Thankfully, Jamie’s not very good at hiding his reactions or he’d have made himself sick choking down the terrible mess with his ‘Mmm, this is delicious, sir.’” Noah’s lips twitched as he recalled his mother coming in, taking a sip from Jamie’s cup while they’d been visiting, and giving his boy a disapproving tongue cluck before dumping it in the sink and making another batch herself. “I am more than willing to admit when something isn’t part of my skill sets.”

Lips slanting, a conspiratorial glint in his eye, Matt leaned in. “Gimme a sec? I’ll have you making hot cocoa that will make you even more godlike to him than you are already.”

“All right, show me what you’ve got.” Noah nudged his chin at the stove. “I’m warning you, this appliance is tempermental. I plan to donate it to the local shelter when things calm down around here. I’ll have Curtis make sure it’s in good condition first, but there’s a newer model I think will suit us better.”

“Yeah, I don’t like stoves. They’re not precise enough.” Bending to look under the cupboard, Matt spoke into the cabinet closest to the fridge. “You got that ginger syrup and crystalized ginger I bought for Wren a while back?”

Nodding, Noah went up behind Matt, careful to let the boy sense his movements so he wasn’t startled by his closeness, reaching up to grab the items from the shelf where Wren insisted they ‘belonged’, even though he needed a stepladder to get to them. “Yes. Right here. And thank you, I agree some stoves seem to just halfass whatever temperature they want to be. How anyone can cook anything with them is impressive, but I like knowing exactly what I’m working with.”

Matt emerged from the cabinet, bangs hanging over his eyes, an electric kettle-like appliance in his hands. “Word.” Handing Noah the kettle thing, he stepped sideways to the fridge, shaking his head to clear the hair from his vision. “Nice fridge. Does it ever creep you out that it knows how much milk you have left?” He took a quart of whole milk and a smaller container of whipping cream from the door. “It’s like, ‘Hello, FBI? I’m on the road to clogged arteries by age forty and wanted you to know’.”

“No, I’m in the fortunate position to have a boy who explains how useless most of that information would be to them.” Noah chuckled, standing back, enjoying the way Lawson’s boy moved around the space with a quiet confidence he could see being very comforting for the man.

While Curtis and Reed brought the right amount of brightness and energy to his day, Matt’s calm, steady movements added the kind of predictability Lawson had lacked before Noah had found him.

Noah appreciated Lawson never having to worry a sudden motion might trigger fears once so deeply ingrained. “Not to be as intrusive as you think our fridge must be, but...how is your Dom doing?”

Hesitation in Matt’s placement of the containers on the island next to the kettle-like appliance—the way he didn’t look up at Noah—said more than his next words. “He’s...coping. You know how it is with you Doms. You put on a good face for us all.” Opening the metal pot, Matt pointed inside where a toothy black disk rested around a fat metal piece at the bottom. “Milk frother whisk. It’s magnetic. It comes out and is cleaned separately. Pour the milk to this line while I grab some chocolate squares from the baking cupboard.”

Inclining his head, Noah followed the sub’s instructions, taking a mental note to find an excuse to swing by Lawson and Curtis’ loft later. Maybe he could get Keiran to make something special. “Does Lawson still treat himself to that small bit of dark chocolate covered mint he used to love? My mother was determined to get him to like some kind of candy. He never developed a taste for it. Growing up, things like gummies and chewing gum were considered beneath his ‘status’. Reed cried the first time he heard that when he was a teen.”

“I can see that. Reed, I mean...” Tearing open the high end cocoa box, Matt glanced up. “I love the taste of the chocolate mint when he eats it. I’ve been trying to make a dessert coffee that tastes just like that but I haven’t been able to get it right.” He broke off a few squares of chocolate, holding them out to Noah. “Plunk this in there, then add one-and-a-half tablespoons of the ginger syrup... I came up with this cocoa recipe for Wren. He’ll never adore it like Jamie, but it has a kick that hides some of the chocolate flavor and I can at least get him to warm up when we...used to go sledding.”

Those had been some good times. Wren didn’t like getting on the sled, but he loved watching the other subs play, and just being out in the snow always brought him so much joy. Somehow, Noah would find a way to give him that again. To give it to all their boys.

Half his focus on measuring, he slid Matt a sideways look. “Next time Rhodey goes to my mother’s for chores in the morning, you should go with him. She spent a long time learning all Lawson and Curtis’ favorites and I know she’d be more than happy to share them with you. She also got Todd to organize all the photo albums in the new library Curtis built for them and I know she’s been dying to go through them with someone.”

“That’d be real cool. Your mom...” Matt’s lips curved, his gaze softening as he plugged the appliance into the socket on the side of the island. “She kicks ass in all the right ways, just like mine.” Matt broke his stare to nod at the frother. “Cover it and flick it on. It’ll heat the milk and melt the chocolate to exactly the right temperature. While it does that, I’ll show you how to whip cream.”

Nodding, Noah put on the cover and flicked the switch before crossing the small space and tapping Matt under the chin so the sub would look up at him. “Come here.” He made sure nothing in Matt’s eyes showed discomfort at any contact, then pulled him into a hug. “No one can replace your mother, and mine won’t try to. But I hope you know she considers you one of her boys, too. The man your mother raised you to be is someone she treasures. As do I.”

Matt stiffened at first, then relaxed, his arms slowly sliding around Noah’s middle. He turned his face into Noah’s chest, inhaling deep. “I never gave you a fair shake. I’m sorry. It caused a lot of problems between you and Law...” Tipping his head back, Matt searched Noah’s gaze. “I’m gonna fix that if I can. But...yeah. Thanks.”

“I appreciate that, pup, but I’ve done my own share of damage and I’m working on it. I tend to lean on control and blur the lines between that and being protective, which Lawson obviously doesn’t appreciate. I respect how strongly you stand up for your man. For all your men.” Brushing a hand over Matt’s hair, Noah eased back. “We have that fierce instinct in common, as well as a habit of switching to growling at anyone we think might do them wrong. I like it a lot more when we’re not growling at one another. And it’s made me very happy to see the bond you’ve formed with Jamie. You’re good for one another.”

The milk frother whirred on the counter, its quiet buzz a homey sort of music. Cheeks pinking, Matt glanced away. “He’s cuddly. I always thought he’d be like cut glass... I don’t know why.” He shrugged a little, moving to the freezer, where he’d placed a metal bowl at the start of all the preparations. Taking it out, he plunked it on the counter. “Chilled bowls are good for whipped cream, but not strictly necessary. I’ve done it without plenty. If you’re in a hurry, you don’t need to.”

“I’d keep a bowl in the fridge just to make sure one’s always available, but Wren would not like that.” Noah stood close enough to observe what Matt was showing him, but not enough to be looming over him. He made a thoughtful sound. “You know, Curtis thought something very similar of Lawson when they first met. That he was so ‘proper’ it would be like sleeping with a block of ice. He had no idea what I saw in him.”

Snorting, Matt slotted the metal beaters into the hand mixer before he plugged it in and balanced it on the edge of the bowl. “You shoulda seen Law when I first got here. He was a force unto himself.” Cream glugged from the container into the bowl. “I’m adding sugar to sweeten the cream. Just a little. You want to get the crystalized ginger and chunky pink marshmallows from the baking cabinet?” Matt nodded toward the bank of cabinets to the left of the fridge. “Yeah...I had to fight him. Curtis said I could get out of my debt if I did. But you probably know how that went. If I’d known then what I know now?” He sagged a little, shaking his head. “I never woulda knocked that drink out of his hand to get him to do it. Dick move.”

“We’ve all had plenty of those. You didn’t know. You learned and did better. That’s what separates us from the assholes the people we love had to deal with in the past.” Noah fetched the ingredients and brought them over. “Curtis and Lawson had a rough go of it for a while, trying to manage with the place while I was gone. But...Curtis wouldn’t have let you within two feet of Lawson if he didn’t think you’d be good for him. He gained a lot more insight over the years and...empathy. It makes me so fucking proud to see how far he’s come. How far they both have. Far enough to deserve a pair of damn good subs.”

Handing Noah the beaters, Matt flushed at the praise, his eyes shining with interest. “I love hearing stories about them when they were...well, younger than I am now, I guess. I’d like to see those pictures Tracey has and hear what she thought about them when she met them.” Matt tapped the side of the metal bowl, making the cream ripple. “Beat it on medium. Stick the beaters in before you turn it on, and spin the bowl while you work the cream. It’ll start to thicken. Sometimes I go to an almost butter stage to make a really thick satisfying mouth feel, but if you like lighter and fluffier cream, then it’ll take less long. It’ll just melt faster into the cocoa when you serve it.” He glanced over his shoulder at the glass cabinets with their crystal tumblers shining brightly behind. “Do you have something sturdier that can take heat? Tall? Like a latte mug?”

“Of course, we’re civilized brutes here.” Noah winked at Matt, pointing to one of the cabinets. “Jamie saw a set just like some he’d used at a café in Paris—probably a lot like the ones he suggested for yours, only a teeny bit pricier since we don’t need to worry about customers breaking them. Go ahead and grab one for each of us. I’m bringing Wren a Red Bull, but I’ll see if I can get him to enjoy some hot chocolate with us. The warmth and...coziness of it would be good for him. Maybe it will remind him of some of those winter days we’ve enjoyed together.”

“If not...” Shrugging, Matt returned with the white latte mugs in his hands. “Well, there’s a drink I thought up for him. It’s peppermint schnapps and classic Red Bull heated, with a cinnamon stick in it for decoration. Kinda like an adult version of mulled cider.”

Noah grinned at Matt, reaching out to squeeze his shoulder, his focus coming away from the beaters sending some froth splattering onto the counters. “I appreciate you thinking of him and trying to come up with things he might like. Keiran does that too and...even if it doesn’t always pan out, it helps more than you know. He’d keep himself very isolated and never try anything new if we let him. Instead, he gets to feel what it’s like to have people around him who care. I...really wanted this place to give that to men like him...and you. As many issues as there might be sometimes, I like to think I succeeded.”

Smile warming his gaze, Matt stepped closer to Noah. “You did it, sir. This is home. The best home, with the best people. We just need to...take advantage of it more. Have more fun.” His attention dropped to the bowl of thickening cream. “Like this, and like...” Cheeks turning a sudden bright red, he looked away fast, laughing nervously. “Uh... Yeah. There was this scene Curtis and Lawson did the last time they were in the ring. I never knew hands and arms could fit those places. It was hot.”

The edge of Noah’s lips curved as he turned off the beater, lifting it to watch a very satisfying peak form. “Jamie didn’t know either. I’ve educated him since. You should ask him about it.” He nudged his chin to the fridge. “There’s a container of cupcakes in there. Grab a few and stick ‘em in the microwave for twenty seconds. It makes the chocolate all nice and gooey, which forces Jamie to have to lick it up before he makes a mess. Obviously, if he got any on the bed, I’d have to give him a little spanking.” He leaned close to whisper in Matt’s ear. “Which only happens when he’s distracted. Would you like to see?”

Matt met Noah’s gaze, rolling his lips between his teeth, humor and arousal clearly warring. “Yes, sir. On it.” He turned away, trying and failing to hide his interest with a tug at the front of his jeans. Though their fit wasn’t nearly as tight as Jamie’s, they snugged nicely around his ass in a way that cupped and lifted each cheek. “Uh... Cupcakes. Right.” Snapping his fingers, he opened the fridge to do as Noah had directed. “Lawson played with me in public, in the bar, once. It was...yeah.”

“Hmm, yes, I can see him doing it for your enjoyment, and to stake a claim, but it doesn’t surprise me that he prefers to keep a lot of things more private. He was always more...intimate, once he got comfortable with someone. The subs he didn’t get attached to, he didn’t mind putting on display more. He enjoyed using it as a way to teach the other members.” Noah set about cleaning up the whipped cream he’d gotten on the counter and tidying up everything else. “Aside from the Sub 101, I should talk to him about teaching more, he’s always been good at that. Some demos could give you both those moments in front of the members in a way that will suit you, while saving the more intense scenes for when you’re alone or with your other two men.”

Focused on pouring the cocoa from the frother to the mugs, Matt seemed to forget to blush. “Jamie and I talk a lot about how sexy you three must’ve been in the olden days when the club first opened.” He glanced up at Noah, motioning to the glasses as the microwave chirped insistently. “Top with whipped cream and sprinkle a few pieces of candied ginger and four or five marshmallows on top... Do you ever tell Jamie stories about back then? Lawson doesn’t, but Curtis does sometimes. I like them better when they’re about Curtis. Hearing about Lawson fu—screwing some other guy messes with me.”

Cocking his head, Noah studied Matt for a moment before getting to work on the whipped cream. “I’ve told Jamie all kinds of stories about how things used to be. The nicer things, he seems to like those. Thankfully, there are plenty, because there’s...a lot of my life he wouldn’t enjoy hearing about. But...does it bother you to think about when Lawson was with me, or just other subs? You don’t seem to have an issue sharing Reed with him?”

Cupcakes and a pretzel placed carefully on a silver tray, Matt shook his head, then nodded. “Subs. I think seeing the three of you together again would be amazing. You know? Like a sign everything is good. And, you know. You’re all really gorgeous and you love each other. Your bond brought Lawson and me and Reed and Curtis together. What’s not to love?”

“True.” Noah added the mugs of cocoa to the tray, glancing toward the bedroom, where things had been much too quiet. “It may...take some time after all this. I need to talk to Lawson soon and...make him understand. But for now, at least I can give you and my boys a...little break from it all. I think he’ll like that.”

Matt’s earnestness translated through his nod. “Yes, sir. Thank you for inviting me. It’s cool to talk to you. We don’t get a chance, much. I see what Lawson loves about you. How you care for the people you love and you’re steadier then. It’s obvious where he learned the guardrails from.”

There was no part of Noah that would ever take credit for the strength Lawson had found, but he smiled a little at the idea that...maybe he’d helped him a little. Given him something that would have changed the control he’d so desperately needed, but had almost...feared at first, and turned it into something positive. “I tend to go overboard sometimes, and see some people as threats who really aren’t. It can take a while for me to warm up to people and...not shove them into that box. Lawson...he gives people a chance unless he...sees some red flags. It’s why he’s so good at picking members who’d fit in well here. But once he lets someone in, he’s fiercely protective. I admire that almost as much as it frustrates me, because he’s usually gotten there while I’m still trying to figure out the game they’re not actually playing.”

Padding alongside Noah to the bedroom, Matt made an affirmative sound. Hands jammed in his back pockets, he seemed at a loss for what to do with himself—his posture and movements becoming a little less graceful when he didn’t have something to focus on. Likely an aspect of his submission Lawson would notice and work on with him.

On the bed, a pink and white candy striped throw over his and Wren’s heads to form a blanket fort, Jamie read either from a book or his phone, the halting sound of his voice making out the words of Stephen King’s Carrie. 

Jamie paused, groaning, and pushed the blanket off his and Wren’s heads. “Nightmare. Poor Carrie. It’s like Jared’s mother and my mother mated and spawned a girl.”

“How about we choose a book that won’t be quite so triggering?” After setting the tray on a nightstand, Noah plucked the book from Jamie’s hand and bent down to brush a kiss over his lips. “Do you have space in there for Matt? He helped me put together some amazing hot chocolate to spoil you with.” He reached over to pat Wren’s cheek. “Think of another book you can enjoy with Jamie. I’m ordering the three of you to have a lazy day. It’s been too long since the last one.” Actually, he wasn’t sure Matt did ‘lazy days’ anymore than Lawson did. And Jamie was usually the only one with him when he indulged in them himself. “It’s...good for mental health. I’m positive Stephan has books about that you could use for research.”

Hip bumping into Wren’s, Jamie gently nudged him closer to Jared’s side of the bed to make room for Matt. Eyes widening, he spied the cocoa. “Ooh! Is that the ginger one you were telling me about? When I asked you if you were going to name it ‘A jolly good figging in a cup’?”

Matt snorted, kicking off his shoes before he scooted onto the bed. “Yeah. That’s the one. It’s a good thing you’re cute to balance out the weird.”

“I should go study, sir. I need to make sure I get good marks so I can be a nurse and…” Wren didn’t look at Noah as he spoke, his focus locked on the red stripes across his palms. “Maybe then I won’t be bad anymore. But I will find a book Jamie will like. There are a few options I’ve been considering. Maybe one where not everyone dies. Some people do survive in Carrie, but...you’re right. It would be upsetting for him. I should have thought of that. A nurse considers the feelings of people so they can give the kind of care a doctor might not have time for. Maybe Stephan can help me with that. I will have to see if he has room for me on his schedule. May I go do that now?”

“No, my little bird. You’re going to try some of Matt’s incredible hot chocolate. You’ll share my cup—I know having one for yourself might be too much, but you’ll enjoy a few sips. Then you have the special Red Bull Jamie got for you.” Noah rubbed his hand over his mouth when Wren nodded, hunching his shoulders slightly like he’d just been told he was getting the belt instead of some time to relax.

Right now, his boy would probably prefer the punishment, but he would not be allowed to let the guilt keep tightening around him until it strangled him. Like fuck would Noah let another man he loved do that to himself if he could help it. “Wren, you are not bad. You were following very vague orders from me and a careless suggestion from Curtis. Yes, you should have made better choices, but you’ve paid for that.”

Peeling a wrapper off a cupcake, Matt cleared his throat. “Forgiving ourselves when our Doms do is a sign of respect. Trust.” He handed the cupcake, along with a napkin, to Jamie, sounding like he recited something Curtis or Lawson had told him. “We trust them to know what we need, and we don’t take the gift of control away from them by punishing ourselves.”

 “Well said, little pup.” Noah went around the bed, lifting Wren into his arms and sitting with him in his lap, sliding in close to Jamie’s side and putting an arm around him. “I forgive you, my little bird. I also appreciate your and Avery’s initiative. Between what you did, and Keiran’s...persuasion, I don’t think we’ll be hearing from Trevor for a long time. You made it so Jamie could give that bastard what he deserved and not face any unnecessary consequences. Except for some stitches and some swollen knuckles.” He pressed a kiss to Wren’s cheek, speaking softly. “Tell me, was that worth it?”

Teeth pressed into his bottom lip, head tipped to the side to look up at him, Wren seemed...torn. “I would do anything for Jamie. That part was worth it. But everything after…”

“Came from someone else’s bad choices.” Jamie finished the sentence around a mouthful of cupcake, spitting a few crumbs onto his own pajama top. “It’s what happens around here when emotions go off the rails. Like love is the engine and it’s supercharging the moment. I love-hate that about all of us.”

Nodding slowly, Wren clenched and unclenched his hands and Noah let him. If his boy needed a reminder of the pain to ground himself and sort things out in his head, he’d allow it. This time. So long as he didn’t go into a spiral of making himself suffer.

Finally, Wren looked at Matt. “I’m sorry my actions caused Curtis to get hurt. He was overwhelmed and I should have taken that into consideration. I...wanted to do it. I don’t...regret what I did for Jamie, but I will...take better care to make sure I clarify my actions with all who may be involved in the future so the only one paying is the target. Except...if I’m only a nurse, it won’t matter. But—”

“Let him accept your apology and don’t go off on the path that will just lead you right back to where you started, my little bird.” Noah gave Wren a gentle hug. “Yes, being a nurse will give you a different kind of insight. No, you can’t stop doing what you’re good at forever to make things easier on any of us. Because what you do makes things safer. For everyone. And that’s a tradeoff you should never feel bad about. Only people who are alive can be pissed off about how it’s done in the end.”

Matt didn’t speak for several moments, handing Jamie and Wren each a cocoa. Sitting back against the headboard, he pulled his knees up, taking his own drink from the tray. “Curtis is funny...” He rolled his eyes, sipping, and getting whipped cream across his upper lip. “I mean yes, amusing funny, but weird funny, too. Like...” He met Noah’s gaze briefly. “He’s a Dom, but he gets messed up on lines and seems kinda relieved when someone points them out. Even Lawson with that evil paddle.” Cheeks turning red, he took another, deeper sip of cocoa.

Jamie plucked a piece of ginger candy off the top of his drink, pressing it to Wren’s lips. “You like this stuff. It’s the crystalized ginger.” He waited until Wren nibbled it out of his fingers, then sucked them clean. 

Jamie slipped down a little so his head was below Noah’s arm. “Never knew you were such a voyeur, Matt.” His tone was teasing, and a little flirty before he tipped his head sideways to look up at Wren. “What do you think of the Cocoa Figging Surprise?”

“I like the ginger. And the cocoa is...a good temperature. The foam is tolerable.” Wren inspected the mug Noah had taken from him to give his hands a break. Then he lifted his gaze to meet Matt’s. “I could enjoy this in small quantities. You should consider making it into a shot. With...spiced rum? Would that be strange? And Garet took the briefcase. I’m sure he didn’t mean it. I was trying to find the right moment to say something, but I don’t believe there will ever be one. Can I have my pretzel now, I have a feeling things will become very uncomfortable and I wouldn’t like to ask at the wrong time.”

Matt went very still, his hand that held his cocoa freezing partway to his mouth. “Why?” Tears sheened his gaze, and he broke the moment with a head shake and a sniff that cleared the emotion from his face. “I’m so sorry, Wren. You don’t have to worry about him anymore. I won’t let him hurt the people we love. He’s...I’m done.”

The cold that had washed over Noah thawed as he reached out across Jamie to take Matt’s hand. “You have nothing to apologize for, my boy. You did everything you could for that man. I wish he could have seen it and appreciated it, but...your family is here. And we’ll get you through this.”

Chewing his bottom lip in a way that would make it bleed for sure, Matt stared at the open bedroom door, clearly mulling over whether he should leave.

“Lip.” Noah made sure his tone wasn’t too sharp, but let enough command flow through the word so Matt would feel it. The boy wasn’t his to control, but he didn’t think Lawson would mind him exerting a little to get Matt in a better headspace. “I’ll bring you to your Dom in a moment, but finish your cocoa first and let Jamie cuddle you. I don’t want Lawson to think we were careless with your feelings…” He gave Wren a little squeeze to show his own boy he understood the harm hadn’t been intentional. “It is...somewhat good to know the briefcase wasn’t taken by someone much worse. And it explains why no one thought twice about him being there.”

Jamie climbed over Noah, skirting around Wren, and placing the heels of his palms perilously close to sensitive regions. He landed in Matt’s lap with a breathless “Oof,” then followed it up with a soft kiss to Matt’s cheek and a, “Hi.”

“Gonna maim your man, popstar, and I’m not filling in.” Though Matt scowled, the expression didn’t reach his eyes. 

“He does it to me almost every morning.” Noah winked at Matt, reaching out to rub the back of his neck. “I survive. I’m made of pretty tough stuff and I think Jamie enjoys testing that.”

The smirk that curved Jamie’s lips ruined his attempt at feigned innocence. “What? Me try to cop a feel without getting caught? Never.”

“Jamie likes to make sure you feel his feels for a long time.” Wren leaned over, picking a few crumbs Jamie had left on the comforter and placing them in his palm. “I don’t mind it. Except when he forgets ‘eyes closed’ means asleep. But thankfully I’m smaller than Noah and Jared, so they usually get the elbows that come with it. Jared wakes up faster to smack him, I think that’s why Jamie likes getting off on this side of the bed more. Noah thinks it’s the cat a lot.” He stilled, his lips parting. “Sometimes, I’m sure it is, sir. I’m asleep so it’s definitely not a lie. I can neither confirm or deny it.”

Noah snorted, shaking his head. “I can tell the difference, believe it or not. I also know the kind of attention Jamie’s looking for when he does it on purpose. So I don’t give it to him. Jared is much more indulgent.”

“Ha! I told you! They’ve got your number.” Matt jostled Jamie, who looked at Noah, lips parted. Deeper voice going a bit falsetto, Matt batted his lashes. “‘But, sir... I like being spanked…’” He huffed, much as Noah had done, then whispered like he shared a secret Jamie had shared with him. “Except when Rhodey does it. His actually hurt, because he got taught how to do it properly in merc school.”

Noah’s brow lifted. “Well, then… I’m not sure if I should ask my uncle for tips or just save my spankings for when you’re my good little cat. But that was very useful information, pup. Thank you.” If he wasn’t in a good headspace, he might be insulted, but he did know he took it easy on his boy, more often than not. He didn’t mind some pretty bruises on Jamie’s ass now and then, but leaving it unmarked, pure, waiting for the right moment had its own appeal. He gave his boys stability, but he didn’t want to become too predictable. “I will need you to explain to me what a ‘proper’ spanking feels like to you, pet. And what are you rating it on? Your experience is so very limited.” He made a mock sympathetic sound. “It might be useful to have a few more Doms spank you so you can make an educated assessment.”

Lightly elbowing Matt in the ribs, Jamie mock grumbled, “Thanks a lot, dude. Remind me not to have any pillow talk with you anymore.” He licked his lips, tongue bauble flashing, and lifted his gaze to Noah’s. “Sorry, sir. I was trying to explain how one feels...kinda warm and good after it’s all over while the other feels like someone’s hand might still be whacking me for an hour after.”

“That’s because I don’t like using spankings for punishment unless my options are limited. I enjoy...the intimacy of them. If we’re playing? Yes, I will spank my naughty boy.” Noah traced his thumb over Jamie’s bottom lip. “If I need it to be a more serious punishment, I prefer the cane. Or something that fits the circumstances. Like a penny. Or several.”

Pupils blown at the mention of the naughty kind of spankings, Jamie glanced toward the dish on the dresser like he thought that’s where this might be headed. “Yes, sir...”

Matt chuckled. “Dude. I think I read your Dom better than you do. Buck up.” He shifted, setting Jamie onto the edge of the bed, and stood. “Thank you, sir. This was really nice. I’m glad you enjoyed the drinks. It was fun showing you how to make them. I’ve been working on my chocolate techniques with Keiran, and I’ve almost perfected hot cocoa bombs. I’ll bring some if I can come again?”

“You’re always welcome here, little pup.” Easing Wren onto the bed next to Jamie, Noah rose to his feet and went around the bed, placing his hand on Matt’s shoulder when he reached his side. “I’ll walk you to your loft. I have something for him.”

On the way out, Noah grabbed the easiest excuse for an impromptu visit from the top of Jared’s elegant liquor cabinet. The black bag with its simple black handle didn’t have any markings on it, but every single Asylum sub who’d been here any length of time recognized it at a glance. And every one of them would give it a look mixed between anticipation and fear when their Doms came home with one. Matt’s expression was no different when Noah picked it up from the hall table, but he quickly looked away.

Lawson’s boy’s time here had exposed something difficult, and likely left him feeling a little raw, but it had shown Noah sides of him he usually only glimpsed from a distance. Open and affectionate, playful and warm, a young man who felt safe to let his guard down.

There was no way to prevent every single thing that might go wrong within these walls. Even less chance of avoiding the impact from the world beyond them.

But that sense of security all their boys deserved was something Noah would always fight for.

It was the most important thing he had to offer. One he wouldn’t fail to protect.

Ever again.

*****

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